Divorce/Children and Divorce
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Divorce - Children and Divorce
We are concerned about the effect of our divorce on our children. What can we do to ease the strain on them?
Divorce is very difficult for children. It will certainly change their world forever. Some experts suggest that you and your spouse should sit down with your children about two weeks before you actually separate and tell them you are getting a divorce.
There is increased awareness of the effect of divorce and conflict on children and an emphasis on trying to help parents through this difficult time. Many resources exist to help both parents and children. For example, see the federal government's Parenting After Divorce website. You can also look for books at your local library that can help your children. Your provincial government website will also have resources available. Resources exist in the form of
- websites,
- written materials,
- mediation and counselling programs,
- courses on communicating, and
- government agencies.
What should we tell our children about the divorce?
You should tell them some very specific information:
- who is moving,
- where that parent will live,
- where the children will live, and
- how often they will see each parent.
Although sometimes difficult, experts say that it is important that you minimize the amount of conflict that the children see between their parents.
Should the children be consulted about what will happen?
This depends on the age of the children. If they are 12 or older, they should probably be consulted about their living arrangements, but as parents the final decision is yours to make.
Will our children have to go to court if we have a contested divorce?
No, children do not have to go to court. They do not have to choose sides and give evidence for one parent against another. In some exceptional circumstances, a judge may ask to speak to a child if custody is in dispute. If this happens (it is rare), the judge meets with the child in his or her private office and tries to keep the discussion relaxed and informal. The judge wants to understand the child's feelings and wishes about custody and living arrangements and will consider what the child wants, but the final decision will be based on the best interests of the child, considering the whole family situation.
My children are older. How does the Divorce Act define a child?
The Divorce Act defines a "child of the marriage" as a child who is
- under the age of majority (18 or 19 depending upon which province) or
- older but is still in his or her parent's care and control because of illness, disability, or some other reason such as pursuing "reasonable education".
This page was last updated in June, 2006.
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